What crying doesn't mean?

I woke early this morning, very early. I laid in bed reading my Bible while my husband was still sleeping - it was a 'normal' morning in many senses but even as I read deep inside I was hurting. I turned over, Bible in hand and Malcolm looked at me - "You ok?" came the question that I have so often bypassed. I told him that I felt that I had to make a decision - like I was on the brink of something - recently I have felt God stirring things in my heart and a greater desire and longing to move deeper with Him. But at the same time there was a lump in my throat and I just needed to cry.
Malcolm put his arm around me and I lay there with him weeping - I hurt so much again. I don't want to go back to the road of depression where I constantly struggle to find God in the battle and then this afternoon it hit me! I have always felt that crying means failure, crying means weakness, not being necessarily right with God (these are all wrong assumptions).
Yes I have cried today - weeping for the child I lost and aching for the child I long for but it doesn't mean that I am no longer hungry for God - indeed I need Him more than ever, I need Him just so much................... I pray that God would help me to weep honestly before Him.