Secondly I have to say that I don't have all the answers - those in my inner-most circle of sharing will know the battles of low self-esteem, lack of confidence and the tears that frequent my days, they know that my life is a definite rollercoaster with highs and lows that never seem to run more like a train! But these people also love me despite these things and encourage me consistently and constantly. They also know how often I go to them with questions or just simply a request for some encouragement - so this morning I am talking truth to myself!
I am also aware by the various e-mails I get from info@hopewhenithurts.co.uk that others share the same struggles with thoughts! I know I am not the only one that battles with these!
1. God doesn't love me because I don't have children (or have lost a child).
This is a complete lie from the enemy and the reality is that it is hard because the thought pattern goes on to make you think and feel that it is really true because 'surely if God loved me He would give me the desire of my heart.' The enemy twists it and it will knot you up in side, so here are some Scriptures to counteract this with truth, straight from the Word of God!
"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." Jer 31 v 3
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor childlessness, nor infertility, nor miscarriage, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Rom 8 v 38-39 (added for the Nick Cameron version!)
"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves." Eph 1 v 4-6
2. I must have done something wrong and so God is punishing me.
This is a very common feeling for anyone who has had something bad happen to them (no matter what the circumstance!) - in fact it is so common and so repetitive that not only have others asked me about this feeling it is one that I battle with again and again. The thing is we know that God is a God of justice, He reigns with perfect justice - Jesus paid the price for all of our sins at Calvary (every single one of them), my pastor is often reminding me that God cannot punish sin twice, Jesus took all our punishment, therefore there is nothing else to pay - it is done, dealt with, finished - all because of Jesus!
"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again." John 3:16a - The Message Version
"But God shows and clearly proves His own love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) died for us. Therefore, since we are now justified (acquitted, made righteous, and brought into right relationship with God) by Christ's blood, how much more [certain is it that] we shall be saved by Him from the indignation and wrath of God." Rom 5 v 8-9 - the Amplified Bible
"who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed." 1 Peter 2 v23-24
3. God is not going to help me through this.
This is completely against the very nature of God but I know that infertility, miscarriage and childlessness are all very lonely roads and there is a daily feeling of being alone with whatever happens! Yes I know that I have a husband that walks through many of the things with me, I know I have folks that I can and do share with but day by day different things happen to remind us, different thoughts, different conversations, all sorts of things - in these situations it is easy to feel isolated!
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1v9
'This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. “ The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “ Therefore I hope in Him!”' Lam 3 v21-24
"For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies." Ps 108 v 4
4. My life is not worth anything because I can't have children.
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Col 3 v12
"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Eph 5 v1-2
"If you ever put a price tag on yourself, it would have to read 'Jesus.' His death on the cross was payment for our sins. You are 'worth Jesus' to God because that's what He paid for you." Quote - Josh McDowell
As I said these are just a handful of the unhelpful thoughts that get flung at me- there are many more that I feel totally inadequate to tackle, I know it is hard, I know that so often I would rather not summon the energy to try and battle through but would rather curl up in a heap and hibernate from the World! So I leave you with a handful of quotes from different people that I hope will bless your heart and help you whatever you are facing:-
"God can heal the broken-hearted if all the pieces are given to Him" Warren Wiersbe
"God's view of you is spelt a-c-c-e-p-t not e-x-c-e-p-t" Unknown
"However deep the pit, God's love is deeper still." Corrie Ten Boom
"My focus changed from demanding an explanation from God to humbly depending on Him." Joni Eareckson-Tada
"We may not know what tomorrow holds but it is a great comfort to know who holds tomorrow." T.D. Jakes
"He is as worthy of worship on our worst day as He is on our best." Graham Cooke
"Our role in the Earth is to be occupied with Jesus. We need to be too busy being fascinated with Him to be intimidated by the enemy." Graham Cooke
"Forgiveness is to be received not earned" Peter Day
"Speak words that empower you - not words that weaken you." Joyce Meyer
"God does not have problems only solutions." Ken Vincent
"As a camel kneels before his master to have him remove his burden, so kneel and let the master take your burden." Corrie Ten Boom
2 comments:
These are some of the questions I stuggled with when we were labelled as infertile. I agree with you, that as Christians, we 'know' the right answers but sometimes it is hard to really 'believe' and live in that belief. I think I came up with a list of about 20 questions as I tried to sort out what was going on in my head and heart! I am still taking them one at a time and trying to find scriptural answers.
By the way, I am reading Philip Yancey's 'What's so amazing about grace? - it resonates with your postings about grace. And it touches such a tender place in our spirits, doesn't it?
Hi Pauline
I know what it is like to have a list of questions - and I have many that are still unanswered, that I struggle with and I weep over! It is tough! It is not always easy to find the answers either because often the questions are SO specific - but God knows!
I enjoyed 'what's so amazing about grace?' The other book I found excellent was 'Grace Awakening' - still on that journey of trying to take in even a little bit of the awesome grace of God........
Bless yer! Nick
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